The ever so slightly edited summary of the exploits of Team Rubbish during the 2006/2007 season.
A couple of verses for the Captain as a result of the
Albert mann semi final loss
Thornbury D vs Sheepscombe B - Holding back the tears - Simply read The end of the road to the Albert Mann
Holding back the tears,
Thinking of the fear I've had for so long.
When somebody hears,
Listen to the fear thats gone.
Strangled by the wishes of expectation,
Hoping for the arm of my rubbish mates,
Get to us sooner or later,
Nothing ever could, yeah.
We'll keep playing on,
We'll keep playing on,
We'll keep playing on,
We'll keep playing on.
These were the words G sang on the way home from the closest fought of all the Albert Mann rounds this season as it ended in a 7 point defeat (that what my spreadsheet says) by the Sheepscombe A beacon, Will and his brother Joe with great support by Roz.
G vs Will 5-11, 3-11, 6-11, 8-11 Points for G 84 against 118
Tr vs Joe 6-11, 11-8, 9-11, 8-11 Tracy 88 130
Tim vs Roz 11-7, 11-5, 11-7, 11-5 Tim 118 92
G vs Joe 11-7, 11-4, 5-11, 9-11
Tr vs Roz 8-11, 12-10, 3-11, 6-11 Ends won G 3
Tim vs Joe 11-5, 11-9, 10,12, 11-4 Tracy 1
G vs Roz 3-11, 7-11, 9-11, 11-8 Tim 9
Tim vs Will 6-11, 11-9, 11-7, 3-11
Tr vs Will 2-11, 6-11, 9-11, 6-11
Team Rubbish's magnanimous Captain took it upon himself to sit this contest out and leave it to his untrustworthy team mates who just could not deliver the punch needed to send Sheepscombe home in that Thornbury ambulance. The evening had started with tears as young Gabrielle was overcome when he had no play mate so G stepped in to dry those eyes and give the youngster a knock before the heavyweight proceedings started. Little did G know it was going to end the same way for all of them. Not even the outstretched shoulders of the big man second only to the wingspan of the wandering Albatross could carry his muppet mates to victory and forward to that cup final in April. So we move on to a closed season of the hardest drinking, i i mean training imagineable in order to be fully fit for next seasons assault on the Albert Mann after congratulating our victors ....B*ST**DS.
Not even Big Tim could save his Rubbish mates
Final score - Sheepscombe win by a narrow margin
G
Thornbury D vs Frampton B - The road to Jerusalem - 5th April 2007
As G lay in his bed looking through the window into the night sky and with it the smoke billowing from the tall chimney on the industrial estate, how appropriate he thought as he also seen his table tennis season go up in smoke with another spineless display bettered only by the England football team. A razor sharp pre match training session saw G keep Captain and Tim off the winners table in the round robin training games. It was always going to be a struggle against the old choppers of Frampton B with a millenium of experience between them. G looked comfortable against Len but lacked the cutting edge and as each game neared its end Len took the vital points and with them the match 3-0 with the wildest forehand this side of the mississippi river. Glanville was taking Clives place and managed a brace as he beat G and Tracy but was felled by the Gloucestershire Redwood Big Tim in 4. Tim demolished Dave as did Tracy in what was undoubtedly the performance of the night and supplemented her glorious end to the season with a quality victory in the doubles with Captain Eden, blunting the the old choppers in 4. The home games never quite have the same sense of adventure as the away fixtures, I guess it's because we all know how to get there. And so as the memories of Team rubbish's second season fade take a moment not to reflect on the season just ended but to look forward along the road to Jerusalem and to next season lead not by Jesus (he's in division 2 now) but by Captain Eden who will surely lead us to the promised land after a hard summers training in the Thornbury boot camp as new contracts get thrashed out for the new season. I think I'll be manning the ice cream van, mines a 99.......with strawbury sauce.
Final score Thornbury D - 4, Frampton B - 6 
The season all gone up in smoke
G
Frampton C vs Thornbury D - His name is Maggot - 2nd Apr 2007
Mental Mentor Maggot (M for short) the table tennis secret coaching agent from England with more tricks behind his ears than Q from the James Bond films has in his armoury. This highly regarded agent was drafted in after two very suspicious punctures on the Team Rubbish transport fleet, first G had to miss out on the pre match training on wednesday so decided to have an early night and found himself stuck to the sheets in the morning strictly against team orders, and then the ever reliable Honda of Captain E had a blow out on the M5 on the way to Frampton C for the last away game of a grueling season. Maggot arrived after a wild dash up the M5 in his stylish transport, a SLK 350, (the Aston was in for a service) with the rubber smoking from the workout as he arrived (more about what he gets up to on his caravaning weekends later) he set about shaking up rather than stirring his Team Rubbish students. And oh how it worked, although G fell at the first hurdle to Glanville he managed revenge for his only 3-0 loss this season by beating Christine and a new face to Team Rubbish, Peter fairly comfortably. Tracy managed also to beat Christine with a quick swallow (from her water bottle) inbetween games and some Mental Mentor tips winding up Christine no end, she also put in a great performance against Glanvillle and Peter both who play the game she enjoys, long, hard and fast. Then up stepped the Leader of Rubbish Captain E, looking like a soggy black and white Minstrel after his wheel changing exploits on a wet hard shoulder, who in his now familar swash buckling style missed more forehand balls than the drunken English cricket team but never the less skewered all before him on the backhand to take another hatrick, if only it was like football and you got to keep the ball we would never want for balls ever again. And so onto the customary bat spin where the dream team of G and Tracy took the honours and with a performance more accustomed to Dancing on Ice despatching their rivals 3-1 which saw old Glanville resorting to some brake dancing on the hall floor in his efforts to return some of the dream teams corkers but this was all in vain. So after the handshakes it was off the Bell Inn in search of those beautiful puppies that alas were no where to be seen so the thought drifted to Christine and what the team would do to her if she was not drier than old Glanvilles wit and what the Mental Mentor Maggot gets up on quiz nights whilst away in his caravan, but sadly this is Top Secret Classified information and if I published it would no doubt end up like the Russian agent Alexander Litvinenko who was poisoned last year.
G
PS. After Grampy ang Maggot finished pumping up Grampy's spare after leaving the pub Tracy left Grampy and joined Maggot in his SLK for a more luxurious journey home and they sped off into the distance. G followed Grampy out of the pub carpark only to see him turn the wrong way out of the carpark and back towards Frampton, had the return match come round so soon ? thought G as his Captain abandoned his car and ran over to G just like a scared Mr Bean. After consultation G escorted his Captain back to the M5 where even the navigation skills of a headless homing pidgeon could not go wrong.
30 March 2007
And now......
And now, the end is here
And so next week, the final showdown
My friends, I'll say it clear
I'll state my case, for us to climb it will be a mountain
We've played the game that's full of blunders
We've travelled to each and every village hall
And more, much more than this, We did it our way
Regrets, We've had a load
But then again, too many to mention
We did what we had to do and saw it through without exception
G planned each charted course, each careful step along the byways
And more, much more than this, We did it our way
Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When we bit off more than we could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
Tim beat it up and kicked it out
We faced it all and we stood tall and did it our way
We've loved, We've laughed and cried
We've had our time, our share of losing
And now, as tears subside, we find it all so frustrating
To think we did all that
And may we say, not in a shy way,
"Oh, no, oh, no, not me, we did it our way"
For what is a Team, what have they got?
If not their leader, then they are nothing
To say the things they truly feel and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows we took the blows and did it our way
Yes, it was our way
Bring us the skills we must acquire
We will not cease from Mental Fight
Nor shall our Bats sleep in our hands
Till we have won division 3
In Gloucestershire's green and pleasant league
Thornbury C vs Thornbury D - The Story - 21st Mar 2007
Are we sure it was digging the driveway that did for Grampy's back!! 
Final score Thornbury C - 7, Thornbury D - 3
Until next time
G
Thornbury D vs Thornbury E - Ten Nil, Ten Nil, Ten Nil - 14th Mar 2007
The streets of Thornbury rang out to the tune of 10-0, 10-0, 10-0, 10-0 as Team Rubbish finally cleaned up their act and completely mullahed their snoozing stable mates in a historic whitewash not recorded since the days of the Zulu's (not a lot a people know that). Oh but how they so very nearly fell at the first hurdle as the normally focused mighty Tim Stone who looked to have been on the E numbers all day prior to the match and was behaving like a mare not wanting to go in the starting gates at the Cheltenham festival and lashing out at every possible opportunity. The big man was first up against Di who was looking a little jaded and sporting more spots than her 5 dalmations, Tim won the first game, uncharacteristically ditched the 2nd only to recover and win the 3rd but again ditch the 4th. So the final game began and when he found himself 0-6 down the eyes started to go green as he metamorphisised into the grinding hulk that does not take prisoners and took advantage of some mistakes by Di and pulled through to take the 5th. This acted as a wake up call to the man who walks through walls for Team rubbish and he took his other two matches 3-0. Following up was Captain Grampy who's current form similar to that of Nitro-Nori (Noriyuka Haga) on the Superbike circuit,
the result being another hatrick of 3-0 wins despite being told in no uncertain terms by Mick Aldrich who sports a smile with a set of teeth not seen since before Shergar was kidnapped in 1983, that his game consisted only of his serve, and it seems as long ago as 1955 when his name sake Sir Anthony Eden was Prime Minister that this Captain has dropped a game.
Nitro Nori's form has been on fire
So with G sitting this one out that leaves the more voluptuous member of Team rubbish, Tracy, with a mountain to climb to match her team mates performance on the night and with a reputation of coming from behind and doing things the hard way tonight was no exception. Having trashed Di and Ian 3-0, Mike was her last opponent and she took him all the way with this marathon encounter ending in an 11-5 victory in the 5th and the last cherry of Team Rubbish bit the dust in an unforgetable performance. Not quite the end for Mrs D's night as the traditional bat spin left her partnered with G against Ian and Mike in the doubles, and even with some unnecessary behaviour on Mikes part it was not enough to distract this dream team from putting the cream on the evenings proceedings and recording the first and historic 10-0 win.
Even the Team Rubbish mental mentor could only find words of congratulation after this win.
Division 2 does not now look so very far away.
G
PS
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil,
Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil, Ten - nil.
Final score Thornbury D - 10, Thornbury E - 0 just incase you've not been paying attention
G
Whiteshill D vs Thornbury D - Running up that Hill - 12th Mar 2007
It all started with a phone call from Captain Grampy to G saying that he was running late and Big Tim was not answering his phone and could I make sure Tim was aware of this. So I duely spoke to Tim and told him to make his own way to Stonehouse, meanwhile Bristol airport had cleared a takeoff slot for the ZX10 which left nearly as much rubber on the M5 as Club Captain Maggot has in his underwear drawer. Panic over as the two Div 3 heavyweights arrive at G's place in time for Big Tim to park up and get shoe horned into G's TT for the sprint to Ruscombe and in true Team Rubbish tradition the satnavless trio took two attempts to get up Whiteshill far enough to find the turning for Ruscombe.
Captain was running just a little late
As the visitors gingerly foot stepped up the darkest alley in Gloucestershire to gain entry to Ruscombe there was a new face to greet them from Whiteshill as well as the infamous Lowry character they call George Evans.
Captain Grampy being noticeably tired after a weekend wrestlling with his new estates brambles put in the usual performance fit only for real Leaders of men as his did not drop a game all night and even demonstrated that his forehand can hit the table. Big Tim who had not had his tea before leaving gladly chomped his way through the twirl fed nervously to him by Grampy who had to check he had all his fingers afterwards, only dropped two games on his way to another 100% performance whilst G although putting in a reasonably good performance only came away with a single victory. And so onto the doubles where the traditional bat spin saw the Thornbury D heavyweights take on the two less experienced duo form Whiteshill and duely despatch them in 3 with poor John hardly being able to get a bat on Grampys googlys let alone return one over the net. This brought out the more compassionate side of Tim as he asked Grampy at 10-6 up in the 3rd to put a soft serve in so he could go out in a blaze of glory with a backhand lash, but as it happened he had to save that stroke for the hairbrush.
So Thornburys finest cemented 3rd position in division 3 with a resounding 8-2 victory over the young lads of Whiteshill D and set off to meet their Rubbish comrade Mrs D and Club Captain at the local only to find the lights out and nobody home with no sign of the other Thornbury colleagues so a swift roll down the hill to the next pub found them at a new venue with a 50/50 choice of which bar to enter. As we entered the lounge bar who were there but our long travelled mates, it just goes to show, Rubbish minds think alike.
Final score Whiteshill D - 2, Thornbury D - 8
G
Randwick D vs Thornbury D - A momentous week in the history of Team Rubbish - 1st Mar 2007
Not even arriving at the wrong venue at 19:12 could stop the Team Rubbish army marching to victory. With G not having checked the website to realise Randwick E now play at Ruscombe and not the village hall. This prompted a display of fantastic female driving by Tracy, hanging it out round all the right corners, the likes of which has not been seen since the glorious days of the Group B cars and the Audi Quattro Sport Evolution S2 piloted by Michelle Mouton. And so there was never any doubts about getting to Ruscombe by 19:30. A new face was presented by the home team, Sam who was first up against Captain Eden who duly dispatched the stroppy youngster in 3 straight. next saw Jess stretch G to 4 but a reasonably comfortable victory never the less for the D team. Tracy had us on the edge as usual taking all her games to five with some quality play way over her average. G's match against Sam saw his captain Richard White have to warn the youngster with a ban for hitting the table in his increasing frustration as G buried the gormless muppet 3-0. (take note Mr Stone, mercy is for the weak). When the half time tea and tarts were unveiled young Sam even asked for a tart and was hastily put in his place being told he was far too young for that sort of thing and to concentrate on his table tennis. The match between Grampy and Jess saw Grampy take his eye off the ball and drop his only game of the night winning 3-1 with Jess playing some fantastic stuff, personally I think it had something to do with those ear rings. And so with G, not for the first time on a hatrick took his corner in the ring against the Dad of England trialist Sam White who took the first game 11-7 leaving G with it all to do, digging deep G recovered to get a healthy 7-1 lead in game 2 only to see it evaporate as Richard levelled the points score, and so deeper reserves were called upon and at last the duck was broken and G gained revenge for losing in 5 against Richard at Thornbury by winning 3-1. Tracy having ricked her back (probably with the car taking off over all the yumps encountered in the roller coaster journey) sat the doubles out as G and Grampy duly mullared the by now asleep Sam, and Jess who made all the running but to no avail as Team Rubbish took the doubles 3-0 with both Grampy telling the youngster to get his finger out as it was way past his bed time and Tracy having to point him to the right end of the table. So the victory was ours 7-3 and not even a missed turning on a late ending could prevent Thornbury's Finest contingent celebrating G's hatrick and the Team's Stirling performance with a couple of dogs at the local pub. And so after all that talk of tarts and dogs there was only one thing left................... but sadly the box of Scotties was empty.
Hasta la Vista Comrades
Final score Randwick D - 3, Thornbury D - 7
G
Thornbury D vs Thornbury C - The road to Forest Green is a step shorter -26th Feb 2007
This glorious match pitched the Thornbury C div3 unbeaten heavyweights against their Thornbury D Team Rubbish stablemates who had a handicap the size of a house and a cunning plan. That said there was no quarter expected or given as the C team knew there was a mountain to climb. First up Steve vs Tim, Tim having taken the victory in the league battle of these two but not this time, Steve getting revenge winning 3-1 (39-26), in parallel the two team captains slugged it out with Graham Kettle unexpectedly dropping a game to the D team Glorious team leader but winning 3-1 (40-34) undoubtedly the performance of the night by the D team captain who's courage makes John Terry look like a flyweight. Third up was G vs Heart attack Harper back in devastating form after his illness, an even match ending 2-2 with Graham edging it (35-34). Further games saw a subdued big Tim crash to Graham kettle 4-0 (44-21), Graham also destroying G with some bodyline serving dropping only 9 points over the 4 games. Steve vs Graham Eden saw the D team captain initially contain Steve who did not fall for the dick dastardly plan hatched up Eden but then lose concentration gaining just 5 points from the last two games. Steve vs G was G's best effort of the night taking a pivotal 26 points with some great back hand winners. The match between Graham H and Tim proving even affair, Graham just edging it 3-1 (49-45) but he was not able to overcome the man of the match, the D team Captain who run out a 3-1 (43-31) winner. So after a great contest the D team upstarts took it by 33 points and take the welcome good wishes of their Thornbury partners into the icy uncharted depths of the semi finals. And so to the pub for the swiftest half outside a beer festival and then onto the Great Wall of China (a long way to go I know just for a night out) where a feast was had by all, well Steve did leave some for the rest of us. Then a slow saunter back to the carpark where G got his portion of Liannes birthday surprise, and the chocolate cake was very nice too! This was truly our Finest hour, can we really dream of walking out onto the hallowed wooden turf of Forest Green in April. Thanks to Big Tim for putting the team first and playing the format he does not enjoy, the Cliff Thorburn of Table Tennis, The Grinder thanks to the D team darling, Tracy for the refreshments and finally to the D team Rubbish Captain, the only leader of true Sheite outside Iraq.
Winners Thornbury D
G
Let us pray
The Captains Prayer from Matthew 6:10-14 and Luke 11:2-4
Our Captain, who is arty and shaven
Hallowed is your name
Thy Kingdom come
Thy will be drunk
on earth as you will be in heaven
Give us this day our daily kitty
And forgive us our losses
as we forgive those who beat the shit out of and win against us
And lead us not into promotion
but deliver us from the Club Captain's plans
For thine is the kingdom, which carries power in victory, and in defeat, for ever and ever
Sheepscombe B vs Thornbury D - An Exorcising away day to Sheepscombe - 30th Jan 2007
Penti Arrikala and his co-driver Tracelopy Pitstop arrived early at the checkpoint to collect G on the way to an evening in the depths of Gloucestershires finest countryside. G called all the bends correctly on the journey and another Team Rubbish away day began. The Oldest Swinger in Town was up first (No not Grampy) Martin Partridge faced G in a close fought contest that saw G 2-0 down but recover to take the 3rd then slip to 10-7 down in the 4th only to recover to 10-10 and then see Martin take it 14-12. The Team Rubbish Captain exorcised his demon, Martin Partridge who he disposed of in 3 as he did with the other two younger lads, Paul and Joe. G also beat both the lads in 3 straight. That just leaves Mrs D who beat Paul but narrowly missed out on beating Joe but could not quite match the experience of Martin. The doubles saw Captain and Tracy steer their ship through to the clear waters of a 7-3 victory after the customary bat spin, against the two lads. It was all over by 9:00pm and after an illuminating insight into Red Kites, Buzzards and circumcision in the local pub the Team Rubbish bus left the wilds of Sheepscombe for another season,
Do you know the Buzzard from the Red Kite ?
Penti Arrikala almost missing a 90 left bend whilst clapping along to the Team Rubbish Anthem....... Hava Nagila translated from Hebrew meaning Lets rejoice.
A narrow escape for the Team Rubbish Bus
Hava nagila, hava nagila
Hava nagila venis'mecha
Repeat
Hava neranena, hava neranena
Hava neranena venis'mecha
Uru, uru achim
Uru achim belev same'ach
Final score Sheepscombe B - 3, Thornbury D - 7
G
Team Rubbish til we die
Thornbury D vs Nailsworth B - Oh what might have been - 17th Jan 2007
Never, in the history, of Team Rubbish Table Tennis, has somebody so small had such a big chance to grasp a 10-0 win. In a style that few other players can emulate G messed up BIG time and let the side down as never seen before as he let a massive lead slip in the 5th against the Nailsworth moaner Nick Marshall who was happy to play lets when on the winning end but not the other way around. It is just aswell the D team heavy hitters were back in sterling form as a far from satisfactory 9-1 win prevailed as Nailsworth turn up with just two players. The match of the night being the doubles where G and Tracy recovered from a dodgy start to win 3-1 with some nicely controlled table tennis.
Oh what might have been !
Final score Thornbury D - 9, Nailsworth B - 1
G.
Forest Green D vs Thornbury D - The Whole Story - 10th Jan 2007
With the weather having relented somewhat a pleasant enough journey resulted in an early arrival to an empty hall. As the TT table store was unlocked many requests were made by the Thornbury team to use multiple tables in order to conclude the evenings events promptly to get the drinking underway, as it was they all fell on deaf ears of the Geriatric dream team that Forest Green selected, between the three of them and their triple heart bypasses, bionic knees and arthritis they must be costing the NHS budget more than the Iraq war is costing the MoD. That apart the three milleniums of experience told from the off as Ian Yemin beat the Thornbury sweetheart, Tracy 3-0. Next up was Captain calamity his ship having hit an iceberg not seen in these waters since the early hours of April 15th 1912 when the Titanic met her end and he could not keep the keel on an even footing as he was defeated in 5 by Mike King. So it was the turn of Big Tim and his even bigger sky blue shorts that would have swallowed Lennox Lewis and Mike Tyson together and they did the trick with the bedrock of the Rubbish pulling through albeit in another 5 setter. Captain had another defeat in the hands of Ian who was desperate to get home to check his bread making machine acquired at christmas but beat John easily in 3. Tim also lost to Ian, to put it in perspective this was an almighty blow for both our top players to get beaten by the Androdian as G had beat him in the corresponding home match. Tim disposed of Mike in 4 which leaves the rest of Tracys' games, which involved a loss to John and the most tremendously fast and furious fantasatic display of pinball table tennis seen all season with all the balls being taken early over the table with not a nanosecond to spare which never the less ended up in a whitewash, so it was no wonder she was complaining about a "moist gusset" as we arrived at the local pub afterwards where such bad decor has not been seen since the last series of changing rooms hosted by that p***k Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen and his side kick handy Andy.
And so it was a couple of beers and an in depth analysis of the evenings events including the 3-0 defeat in the doubles where Tracy and G ( who had not taken his pills and was walking like Oddbod from carry on screaming ) could not pull it together.
Final score Forest Green - 7, Thornbury D - 3
G
PS
Thanks to Captain for the Maltesers, Wine gums, Fruit pastiles and blackcurrant pastiles etc and to Tim for the transport.
Back to top
Frampton B vs Thornbury D - .......and those puppies - 21st Dec 2006
Just one day past the shortest day of the winter and no light shone on the Thornbury D crew as they turned up in plenty of time despite another foggy evening. It did not start well with the D team quadruple back big Tim nearly ripping the outside door off its' hinges in his haste to get at the home team before G mentioned that there was an entry buzzer system. And so the scene was set for a hard fought night which saw the propellor fall off Grampy's forehand engine as he tried to land a few heayweight shots on the oldtimers of newly relegated Frampton B but there was no rising from the ashes for this Phoenix as Frampton B cement second place in division 3 and look favourites for promotion.
First up was G taking a 3-0 battering from Len whose wild forehands were to be avoided at all costs, then captain took to the table and with a comfortable 2-0 lead crashed and burned 3-2 to Clive, ( I thought it was only me that could do that ). Tim was next and went all the way to 5 against their most stylish player Dave, but emerged victorious to maintain the immense record of the first half of the season. Congratulations were abundant following G's trashing of Dave in 3 straight the man who had taken Tim to 5 but alas it was not enough, Captain also beat Dave in 3 but heavy losses ensued with Tim losing in 5 to Len and 4 to Clive, Len also beating Grampy in 4. So that left the doubles and the Team Rubbish bat spin which saw Tim and G take on Len and Clive after Dave had been sent home for an early bath for losing all 3 of his matches. A nervous start was forthcoming as the D team went 1-0 down but levelled as they steadied the ship only to go 2-1 down, but they dug deeeeep and with Worsfold displaying the finesse and control ( if not the lunchbox ) of Rudolf Nereyev ( that's Tims job ) managed to snatch it and limit the damage to a 6-4 defeat.
So after the customary handshakes it was the mad 400 yard dash to the Bell public house on the green where an uncharacteristic silence kept coming over the team as they dreamt what they do with puppies which were quite happily playing in the bar, but the attached barmaid was having none of it........there was no finer place to park your ZX10 that was for sure.
Oh happy days
Final score Frampton B - 6, Thornbury D - 4
Cam B vs Thornbury D - A long dark road to the Albert Mann - 20th Dec 2006
As the fog closed in on Stalag Cam Mr W, first to arrive at the gates, sat outside eating a mexican chicken wrap and a bottle of galaxy chocolate milkshake determined to shake off last weeks nightmare.
As 7.30 came the gates were duly unlocked and all the contenders took their places. With a headstart of 53 points first up was G vs the Cam B heavyweight Steve Partridge, G knew that with a league average of 80% this was a damage limitation exercise against Steve and managed to oblige by dropping two games by only 2 points each and only losing by 12 points over the match. So the scene was set for a tight battle and with the Team D heavyweights still suffering from the previous saturdays exploits not quite punching their weights some close fought games followed, Tim beating Lin 3-1, then Paul 4-0 but could only manage a 2-2 against Steve in a titanic battle of the two teams top averages despite Worsfold falling asleep scoring as the game went long into the night. Team D's glorious captain caught more net than the entire Spanish fishing fleet but was still able to keep the Thornbury steamer stoked up with another match against Steve that was full of long outstanding shots and against Lin where some exceptionally top quality table tennis was played. That left G against Lin, where Lins 3-0 league victory was reversed by G's performance of the night winning 4-0, and a 2-2 draw against Paul saw the away team extend their 53 headstart by 6 points to a winning margin of 59.
With all the formalities behind them team D raced through foggy lanes trying to catch last orders at the Cam B local for a well earned drink. Handbrake turns in muddy field entrances saw the team B rallying crew abandon their efforts for the local and end up at the next pub that was passed. That was not the end of it ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no, on a slow foggy journey home G got hopelessly lost in the fog and spent half the !!***?#ing night driving across cattle grids touring the wonderful gloucestershire countryside before arriving home in the early hours.
It was a foggy drive home for G
Final score Thornbury D won by 59 points
G
PS Mr Maggs can you have another word with the powers that be at our long serving sponsor Briistol Honda and order the Team Rubbish bus, just make sure it's got the latest Sat Nav otherwise we may too see Wrexham before the seasons out.
After last weeks tears for Thornbury C the batton was handed down to Thornbury D this week who were well and truly buried by the old timers of Old Frampton C.
The lower order collapse started early this week with both G and Tracy going down to (thats "to" not "on") Christine although Tracy's loss was once again by the narrowest of margins at 20-18 in the fifth, her performance against Glanville also deserving of considerable credit after pushing him to 13-11 in their final game. G was never in the game this week and for the first time this season lost all 3 after playing like a newly embalmed corpse. That said it was left to the Team D bedrock The Mighty Tim Stone to save the day with another 100% sterling performance to keep us in it. Captain having other duties to perform prior to the singles performing valiantly with Tim taking the grim faced Glanville and Christine apart 3-0 in the doubles to end up salvaging a 4th point in a bruising encounter. The prospects of promotion looking a long way off the horizon.
Final score Thornbury D - 4, Frampton C - 6
G
PS
I can't understand the trouble the Welsh vets had getting to their game ? I thought there was only three roads in Wales and one of them is the Severn bridge.
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